Platte du Jour #3

Who is that dapper freak on the left with a hole in his head? Yes Kids!... it's none other than 70's BBC stalwart MICHAEL RODD!.....
'So what's he doing on a record in your fascinating but unread music blog?'.. I hear you enquire with lust for knowledge.
Well then, sit down calmly, take a stress pill and let me elucidate.......
This disc is none other than the 'Theme to Screen Test' by library legend Syd Dale, the first release on the rather splendid Trunk records.
This one sided Behemoth of a record will kick your brains down your spine so violently that they'll rebound out through the top of your skull.
The song's original title 'Marching There and Back' hints at the harsh military snare-drum assault contained within. However, if you were to try and march to this you would probably be back before you actually set out to get there.
The rhythmic onslaught is coupled with a catchy catchy xylophone line which will penetrate your mind for all eternity. It will.
Imagine the Band of the 1st Grenadiers, fed purely on amphetamines for 3 days, have been ordered to attack a machine gun post with nothing but their instruments as weapons. This tune is the soundtrack to the ensuing sonic carnage.
Somehow, it ended up being the theme tune to a (in hindsight, rather lame) kid's TV show called Screen Test, in which Mr Rodd, in an air of ennui, asked (in hindsight, rather lame) film based questions to swots. Fantastic.
For more info, please visit the excellent Trunk Records website.....
http://www.trunkrecords.com/turntable/scr_test.shtml

Disc of the Day #2

If you may permit me to briefly extend the the already tortured metaphor of Stephen Hawking dancing on the ceiling (see disc of the day #1), we may as well have the decency to ask how he's doing......

So let's bring on the jaw-dropping brilliance of 'How is the air up there' by the Changin' Times. I do like the fact that, on this copy, the radio station DJ has sought to rectify the punctuation error and hand written a question mark at the end of the title to enhance grammatical correctness. Come On! Rock and Roll!

Some of you may be aware of the La-Di-Das (New Zealand) obscure cover of this on the 2nd Nuggets CD box set (all the non US buffoonery).... here we have the even more obscure original.... and in my totally unbiased opinion, it's far better. It must be something to do with the fuzz. This is fuzzier than a policeman attacking a bee covered peach with a chainsaw. And it's very bouncy too. And it's got great anti high society lyrics. And this copy has home-made grammatical pedantry.

Let's Rock?

Do you want fires with that?

After a mere 12 years, Thomas Friedman's well documented theory of the 'McDonald's Theory of War' has been discarded half eaten on the pavement in its garish polystyrene box. For those unaware, the theory contended that no country with a Mcdonald's outlet had ever gone to war with another ditto..... the reason being that countries with a capitalist economy stable enough to sustain a McDonald's have reached such a level of prosperity and global integration as to make warmongering risky and unpalatable to its people.

At this point, step in Russia and Georgia to finally flush this theory well round the U-bend.

Personally, I think it just requires a little bit of fine tuning..... how about the 'Greggs the Bakers Theory of War'? ..... however, this chap is wondering whether Moscow has a branch of Carpetworld.....

It's a Jungle out there!

... Why did the techno parrots get lost?... because the Junglist Massive?.... NO!... because they'd never read this new nature column! The fools.

2 hours ago I decided, despite lack of training or aptitude, to appoint myself as an expert in botany. Armed with a back garden and a camera, I will endeavour to bring you shots of wildlife on the edge.

This little (well about 8cm long) fella turned up in the garden today whilst I was absent-mindedly hitting the tomato plant with a ukulele.

What a beauty!... If I'm not mistaken that's a SOUTHERN HAWKER (Aeshna cyanea).

Next week I'll try to capture that elusive shot of the sabre-tooth robin attacking a sky-mouse in the lager tree.

Disc Of The Day #1

Hello people (I use the word 'people' purely out of custom..... it would be wildly optimistic to even prefix this 'Hello person') and welcome to a new semi-regular column dealing with my sad addiction to the world that spins at 45 revolutions per minute.

Every now and then I will enlighten you about a 7" single so awesome that actually hearing it could kill you (this obviously being the etymology of the phrase 'Killer Tune'). Therefore, in the interests of health and safety, I have not included soundfiles. That and I don't know how to.

The honour of being the first 45 in this quite possibly short lived and very probably futile series goes to....... (roll on the drums)........... YES!.. you guessed it!...... It's ........

'SUSAN' by 'THE MAUROKS'!!!

It seems the Mauroks were some type of garage band formed by drafted USAF dudes at an air base in Ethiopia in the mid 60's. They were obviously fairly pleased they weren't in Nam (that being Vietnam and not Dagen'am. Or was it?). They came back to NY and cut this little beauty for the soul/funk label De-Lite in 1968.

Susan, not to put too finer point on it, is basically one of the grooviest tunes of all time. Bouncing along to the breakbeat from heaven it hits the chorus with some scything fuzz, comes out again, repeats and ends within 2 minutes. Go find it... listen.... die perhaps. It's so groovy that it could even get Stephen Hawking out on the floor....... ah... yes...... picture the scene.......

Fade in....

CROWDED DISCO......'SUSAN' BY 'THE MAUROKS' HITS THE DECKS. A GIRL , SUDDENLY OVERCOME WITH JOY, APPROACHES THE BAR TO GREET EMINENT WHEELCHAIR BOUND THEORETICAL PHYSICIST STEPHEN HAWKING.

GIRL (Shouting in his ear to overcome the background noise): Are you dancing ??

S.H. (In metallic mid-atlantic drone) : Are... You.......... Asking?

GIRL : I'm asking!!!

S.H. : Then..... I.... am ....... dan-cing.

AT THIS POINT S.H., ELEVATED BY THE GROOVE, BOPS ABOVE THE DANCE FLOOR IN ZERO-G ECSTASY.

Fade out.

Hmmm...... this begins to hint at a problem....... if the next song played by the DJ would happen to be crap, our Steve, instantly realising the gravity of the situation, would plummet to the dancers below and no doubt have a negative head-floor interface scenario.

I guess the purpose of this column is to keep finding 45's which can keep Stephen Hawking in a state of zero gravity above the disco of my mind.

Watch this Space...

Yes.... just watch the space..... watch it..... watch it...... enjoy the space before it becomes sullied with pointless words..... the space is your friend... hold hands with the space and spin round with gay abandon!.... invite the space round for dinner, drink too much and have a massive argument about nothing.
The space hates you now.

Welcome to my blog.

I have the uncanny feeling I am talking to myself.