It's a Jungle out there!

... Why did the techno parrots get lost?... because the Junglist Massive?.... NO!... because they'd never read this new nature column! The fools.

2 hours ago I decided, despite lack of training or aptitude, to appoint myself as an expert in botany. Armed with a back garden and a camera, I will endeavour to bring you shots of wildlife on the edge.

This little (well about 8cm long) fella turned up in the garden today whilst I was absent-mindedly hitting the tomato plant with a ukulele.

What a beauty!... If I'm not mistaken that's a SOUTHERN HAWKER (Aeshna cyanea).

Next week I'll try to capture that elusive shot of the sabre-tooth robin attacking a sky-mouse in the lager tree.

Disc Of The Day #1

Hello people (I use the word 'people' purely out of custom..... it would be wildly optimistic to even prefix this 'Hello person') and welcome to a new semi-regular column dealing with my sad addiction to the world that spins at 45 revolutions per minute.

Every now and then I will enlighten you about a 7" single so awesome that actually hearing it could kill you (this obviously being the etymology of the phrase 'Killer Tune'). Therefore, in the interests of health and safety, I have not included soundfiles. That and I don't know how to.

The honour of being the first 45 in this quite possibly short lived and very probably futile series goes to....... (roll on the drums)........... YES!.. you guessed it!...... It's ........

'SUSAN' by 'THE MAUROKS'!!!

It seems the Mauroks were some type of garage band formed by drafted USAF dudes at an air base in Ethiopia in the mid 60's. They were obviously fairly pleased they weren't in Nam (that being Vietnam and not Dagen'am. Or was it?). They came back to NY and cut this little beauty for the soul/funk label De-Lite in 1968.

Susan, not to put too finer point on it, is basically one of the grooviest tunes of all time. Bouncing along to the breakbeat from heaven it hits the chorus with some scything fuzz, comes out again, repeats and ends within 2 minutes. Go find it... listen.... die perhaps. It's so groovy that it could even get Stephen Hawking out on the floor....... ah... yes...... picture the scene.......

Fade in....

CROWDED DISCO......'SUSAN' BY 'THE MAUROKS' HITS THE DECKS. A GIRL , SUDDENLY OVERCOME WITH JOY, APPROACHES THE BAR TO GREET EMINENT WHEELCHAIR BOUND THEORETICAL PHYSICIST STEPHEN HAWKING.

GIRL (Shouting in his ear to overcome the background noise): Are you dancing ??

S.H. (In metallic mid-atlantic drone) : Are... You.......... Asking?

GIRL : I'm asking!!!

S.H. : Then..... I.... am ....... dan-cing.

AT THIS POINT S.H., ELEVATED BY THE GROOVE, BOPS ABOVE THE DANCE FLOOR IN ZERO-G ECSTASY.

Fade out.

Hmmm...... this begins to hint at a problem....... if the next song played by the DJ would happen to be crap, our Steve, instantly realising the gravity of the situation, would plummet to the dancers below and no doubt have a negative head-floor interface scenario.

I guess the purpose of this column is to keep finding 45's which can keep Stephen Hawking in a state of zero gravity above the disco of my mind.

Watch this Space...

Yes.... just watch the space..... watch it..... watch it...... enjoy the space before it becomes sullied with pointless words..... the space is your friend... hold hands with the space and spin round with gay abandon!.... invite the space round for dinner, drink too much and have a massive argument about nothing.
The space hates you now.

Welcome to my blog.

I have the uncanny feeling I am talking to myself.